The Weird Goodbye and the Long Hello
“May the Lord of peace himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16, CEB translation
I need to start with a couple of disclaimers about this blog. First, I meant to write this two weeks ago, but in light of the death of George Floyd, writing such a blog seemed offensive, hollow and self-serving. Instead, other voices needed to stand, and still need to stand. In fact, this blog will close my blogs on transitions, and the next one will reflect on whose voice can be heard and how, but I do still need to address this topic here, so I will close it out today. I acknowledge the goodbye piece in particular may be a little late for some of you, but then what has gone according to plan this year anyway?
Second, my transition this year is not a typical one. I mean, obviously no one’s is typical, but mine is atypical within the atypical. This blog will cover how to say goodbye and hello, but I acknowledge that my situation does not exactly fit what is being recommended here. I am transitioning off Conference staff, which is not really a goodbye since I will continue to interact with the conference, just from the other side of the desk. In fact, if I have had my transition there marked at all, it was marked by the Bishop offering kind comments and well wishes on our last staff meeting, and then after Annual Conference a few of us went out for lunch and then left with everyone saying, “See you later!” which is kind of true and kind of not. That is the extent, as far as I can tell, of my goodbye, and is fairly typical of conference goodbyes. And then I am transitioning into being an Associate Pastor, and so my input on things like relaunch has not really been as critical, which means I haven’t started integrating into my new space yet, unlike most of my colleagues who have already joined in and in many cases run meetings on such topics. Also, to make sure the outgoing associate had plenty of opportunity for goodbye, the senior pastor asked me to keep a low profile until she has moved to her new space, which I have been careful to honor. So this second disclaimer is here to say that the advice I offer here is a bit of conjecture about how goodbyes and hellos in this context work. Still, it is educated conjecture based on years of training people to move in and out of cultures (in ideal and less than ideal situations), training in church vitality, and research into what people are actually trying this year.
When it comes to saying goodbye and saying hello this year, I would say there are three major components to work with:
Keep what still works: Some things continue to translate regardless of this new situation, chief among those being good communication. Use church newsletters to offer goodbyes and hellos. By that same token, use existing things like websites, Facebook pages, etc. to share farewells and hellos. And personal messages of goodbye or welcome – emails, cards, phone calls – are still wonderful ways of closing or commencing a relationship. Then there are logistical things that can still happen. Small groups can still show up and help with moving (wear masks, of course). The outgoing pastor can also talk up the incoming pastor in worship, mentioning how excited she is that he is coming. Assuring the congregation that you are confident in the one following you is important usually, but critical in these unsteady times. Basically, as you are preparing to say goodbye or hello, take some time to think through what has happened in the past, and just ask yourself this question: “Does this still make sense this year?” Do what does. For the rest…
Consider the shift in context: Obviously some things will be different because of this pandemic reality we are in. I wrote in an early blog in this series that showing up with food may be an iffy situation, and to some extent that is still true. Perhaps bringing cleaning supplies would be a more significant welcome this year. Or, and this has missional purpose too, instead of doing a typical pounding (pound of flour, pound of sugar, etc.), try a gift card pounding. Buy the incoming pastor gift cards to area businesses, which allows the pastor to get to know her community and also supports local people. When it comes to goodbyes, many of you have already experienced the drive by goodbye, where a church organizes a time and place to have folks pull up in cars and say goodbye to the ones leaving. Those who have experienced it already have remarked that they may have actually had more time with each family than if it had been a reception at the church where people were mashed together and just coming and going. It is a strange goodbye, but it may turn out to have as much or more closure because people have had to be intentional about it. As for hellos, those will probably take place over a longer period of time, and while they may feel artificial at first, they also may mean that the congregation gets to know a new pastor in more intentional ways. My future senior pastor plans to do a series of get to know the pastors conversational sermons, and as he pointed out, normally the meet the pastor sermon is one Sunday (in our conference always a holiday weekend) and if people miss that one, they miss that opportunity. Online means people can watch it later if they want, and a whole series has far greater depth. It is a longer hello, but perhaps a more foundational one, even (especially) if it isn’t occurring face-to-face. Finally, because it is very possible that the new pastor will be leading the return to face-to-face, the outgoing pastor could go ahead and turn meetings over to the incoming pastor, allowing that transition to happen while the current pastor can still answer questions and smooth over the transition if there is need. And since those meetings are taking place probably through Zoom, the incoming pastor doesn’t even need to be in the same town as everyone else. And speaking of meeting via Zoom…
Let technology work for you: Technology can allow us to do things that we wouldn’t have been able to do before. Have a new pastor coming in from far away, unable to visit in advance, or still not worshiping in person? Film an interview of the new pastor using Zoom, and either use that as part of your Sunday service, or put it on Facebook, the church website, etc. The incoming and outgoing pastor can lead worship together, each filming pieces of the worship service, particularly if you are not livestreaming but filming and loading to social media. Zoom can also be used to “meet” people, or to say goodbye in a more visual way than a phone call. We have been tremendously creative about how we have leveraged technology to keep church going. I am certain we can think creatively about how to use it for transitions too. But that creative work has to take into account your context and what works for your technology and your people.
The truth of the matter is, we cannot predict the emotional and spiritual effect this transition will have on us or on our people. These are untested waters. The weird goodbye may turn out to be one that lacks closure, but it also may turn out to be so memorable that it implants that person deep in the heart of the people in a positive way. The long hello may seem impersonal and it may feel like we are characters in a video game, but it may also fit beautifully in a current context where many long and meaningful relationships begin online now. Just because it is different does not mean that it is bad. Also, let’s remember that when we are face-to-face and doing transitions, some are done well and some disastrously. Perhaps this is giving us a chance to be so intentional that we will be more successful than we have in the recent past. Only time will tell, and for now we have plenty of that.
In the meantime, though, pastors and parishioners in the midst of additional transition are doubly in my prayers. I offer you this blessing:
“May the Lord of peace give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”
Photo by Courtney Cook on Unsplash
