Knowing Who You Are

But the time is coming—and is here!—when true worshippers will worship in spirit and truth. The Father looks for those who worship him this way. (John 4:23, CEB translation)

Technically, I was a guest in the church. But also, it was a United Methodist Church, and I am an elder in our denomination, called to order the church. That order is for the whole church, not just a particular congregation.  So I was struggling to keep my mouth shut when a young woman was introduced to the two church leaders before me. As she was introduced, the person who had brought her to the women said, “She has some questions about what the difference is between the big church down the street and this Methodist Church.”

The two women started by naming what we all have in common. Now that is a very Methodist response, but it was not going to answer this young woman’s questions. They then said we had some differences in how we structure our churches. By this point I am getting fidgety. Pretty sure a 16 year-old doesn’t give a rat’s ass about church structure. I am pretty sure she is asking this question because she is trying to figure out where she fits in the Christian family.

Finally, I could hold back no longer. I shot into the conversation with, “We have some different ways of understanding communion, we have some differences in how we understand baptism, and of course we empower different people, at least when we are talking generally.” And one of the women picked up on that and said, “Oh yeah! We let women be pastors!”

But then I said to the young woman, “Why do you want to know? What are you looking for?”  She stumbled through a kind of embarrassed response of admitting she hadn’t been to church in a while, and the last time she did she went to that big church, but she really likes this church, and she is trying to understand what the difference is in them.

So then I asked if she wanted to know why I am a Methodist.  She did, so I shared that it was my experience of being able to take communion there before I was baptized. I loved that I was welcome there, I wasn’t breaking the rules, and I was included. 

After she left to go to her seat, one of the leaders leaned over and said, “Wow, we didn’t have an answer to her question, did we? I am sure glad you were here.  All I could think to say was why I left a church like that big one, and that didn’t seem like the right answer.”

“Why didn’t you tell her that?” I asked. “You know, youth want us to be authentic to who we are. When they are asking questions like that, it is a good idea to try to hear why they are asking the question, but they also don’t necessarily want us to give the textbook answer. They want us to answer from who we are. They may disagree, but they will at least know you brought your authentic self into that space.”

“I should have told her my story,” she said.

“Uh, it’s not too late. She is sitting right up there.” I pointed in the direction of her pew.

Another person came up to engage us in conversation, but the woman leaned over to me just a few sentences in and said, “I am going to go talk to her.”

When worship was starting, they were still talking. I watched as the young girl relaxed and became more and more engaged.

After worship, the woman caught me. “I decided to tell her the truth. I decided to tell her I had spent too many years in the closet. I was never going to be able to come out of that closet in my other church. For all the problems with Methodism, I at least know I am okay to be out of the closet.  And you know what? She told me she had quit going to church because she started taking some medicine for depression and they told her she was weak if she needed those pills and she didn’t have enough faith.  I am so glad you told me to talk to her. I think we have a real connection now.”

A real connection.

In John 4, Jesus makes a real connection with a woman at the well. They talk about differences in theology. But also Jesus recognizes who the woman is. He doesn’t judge her for that, he just announces that he knows her. And he still wants to engage with her. He listens to her, and she listens to him. They enter each other’s story. Each one has something revealed that draws them closer to each other than perhaps either anticipated.

And in that space, they can worship together in Spirit and in truth. 

We interrupt our own opportunities for witness all the time. Two things are often at work. First, I think people think they need the “right” answer. The right answer is often not the theologically sound one, or the diplomatic one. It is the one that flows from who we are. It won’t be the same for everyone, then. Just like some people will resonate with that church down the street (although seriously, we have to talk about your understanding of depression, big church), and some will resonate with being Methodist, we have to find a faith walk authentic to who we are and who we are called to be.

Second, we get this idea in our head that church people aren’t real people. Like we need to represent the best of ourselves, rather than the honest of ourselves. We were like the forerunners of social media, putting only our best selfies out there, pretending we didn’t have struggles. I think we bought this narrative that struggles were a sign, like that young woman ran into, that we have weak faith. Why are we afraid to share the wreck of ourselves and then show how Christ walks with us through that? That strikes me as a more compelling, and ultimately a more empowering narrative, than the one too banked around appearances. Like Nicodemus who had to come to Jesus at night so no one knew he was there (see John 3), we hide who we are and how we struggle. Perhaps we should see how the woman at the well finds herself before Jesus in the bright of day, is seen for who she really is, and then becomes someone who can freely share the gospel and bring others to Jesus.

It really is that simple. Bring yourself authentically before God. And worship together, finally, in Spirit and truth.